Thank You so much Vishal for taking this prompt from our discussion on your previous post and writing so beautifully on it. Its an honour for me to share your post here. Taking liberty adding a few lines to it hope you won’t mind-
The prompt or idea for this post was offered by Meenakshi Sethi following a discussion on one of my recent posts.
Love can be overbearing. Free love is about emptying ourselves, the naked soul, emotions and removing the expectation of being loved back, kissing or sex. There are no rules and conditions when it comes to emotional attachment and perhaps SRK’s line in Mohabattein: “Mohabat mein shartein nahin ho toh afsos nahin hona chahiye!” could make sense to us.
The many layers of relationships. Existence is uncertain. So are our relationships with fellow travelers! We can never know when we can fall in and out of love. Some people follow their hearts while for many, the emotions are suppressed because it can take a toll on several lives. The concept of No Conditions Attached is unlike No Strings Attached, a fling or One Night Stand.
We never asked permission to fall for someone but they cannot be expected to be with us. A partner has the right to exit a relationship because the spark is missing and after all, it’s all about being truthful to the self. Do not pursue or force them to stay in for it becomes an obsession and a hotbed for suffocation or unhappiness. Nobody can be pressurized to stay in a forced relationship or what is called One-sided love. Set them free. There is nothing right or wrong and moral or immoral about it. Love is not about possessing someone’s soul. I had many such unrequited emotions and being attracted to many or the one relation that never worked out. It was painful. We decided to call it quits.
Free love doesn’t mean you should be with the person till the last breath but loving without any compulsion to wake up by each other’s side. We were not destined to be together but there should be no regret. It’s better to love and lose than not loving at all. Emotions are constantly changing and the moment things remain static, we cease to be unique individuals and forever depending on someone else. Sometimes relationships can choke us to death and suppress our individuality. Deciding to call it quits doesn’t mean we stop loving the person. It makes for an interesting debate on what constitutes free love. After all, the true purpose of love is liberation without being too much attached.
Take, for instance, a married couple who lead separate lives but choose to be with different people might amount to immoral and extramarital affair. I am not condoning people bound by the moral or legal sanctity to have relations outside the wedlock but should we judge people deciding to be happy when the entire foundation has crumbled. Does that mean as free individuals they should be devoid of passion or needs by being cowed down by society in turning down love? For if we do, emotions are suppressed and wings clipped. Daring to find someone who understands and take care of your needs, offering emotional warmth and shoulder to lean on is free love in itself. Not every relationship should be equated to sex which is such a gross exaggeration about what people want!
On the last post, a reader spoke about falling in love with someone younger despite being married at that point. What if the marriage has fallen apart, there is no love and the partner is philandering? Would you still blame or nurture prejudice against someone who found love and whose emotional needs are being met by another sensitive soul? Of course, I am speculating on the various possibilities of going against the tide and not by any means advocating the break up of a marriage or pursue sex outside? I am saying that love carries many forms and there are more to a relationship than what meets the eye.
A friend has chosen to end her marriage not because of cheating, boredom or domestic violence but it became a near impossible task to share a common life. The fact that they were meeting once every two years of complicated things. I am pretty sure both partners have grown attached to each other but this relationship was veering in an aimless direction. Of course, it must be painful to cope with a separation bound by a child and being no one to judge, perhaps both found it to be in their best interest to thwart suffocation and truly liberate their souls. Not everything in a relationship is about children or parents but rather growing as unique individuals. If we do so, aren’t we imposing our own personal agenda on the children? Both have remained friends and she told me how her ex-husband will always be family and father of their daughter.
This is the beauty of a relationship. Would you still argue that there is no such thing as free love setting your soul free? I am aware of the risk, painting a very idealistic image of love but here lies the dichotomy between our ever-changing equations and society’s response. I would always choose free love for if the person is meant to be with me, she will or else was never mine in the first place. Love is not about possession, stifling emotional needs but being free as individuals.