Dear Friends and Fellow Bloggers,
My wings of poetry I feel are broken. From past few days I am not feeling like writing poetry neither I am trying to. Some incidents in life fade the colour of our life. Losing my younger brother at such an early age is a big blow for me, my parents and sister.
With passing days pain is growing and going deep. Unable to bear it’s load today I decided to vent it all out through writing. Though this is my poetry blog but all I’m able to write or think these days is last few years I spent in pain and fear of losing him…and then finally lost him.
This is first chapter of first dreadful day-
4th March 2018
It’s been seven months today. I was wondering who spread the rumor that time heals. Some pains are meant to be there life long. Just like a deep scar that is left behind after some major accident, to remind the pain and injury life long.
I have not kept any picture of my dead brother anywhere in open in my home. All memories are saved and stored in secret folder of my phone. Which I dare not to open. They carry power to destruct my self made invisible wall. The wall behind which I am hiding all my pain and loss.
Tired from day’s work and mental agony I sat on my new couch in the drawing room, wishing I could show my brother this new furniture. With tears bubbling again, I placed my head on couch’s back and closed my eyes. Wandering in world of memories where I could re-live those beautiful days once again.
From the catapult of so many memories my brain landed on two and a half year old hospital time we both spent together. I remember the day when I received call from my sister on first of September 2015. Our dad met with an accident and she was taking him to hospital. His leg which was injured fifteen years back in a major accident is again injured and needed to be operated once again.
I was at Indigo office that time with my daughter for her interview for post of cabin crew. She had cleared her 12th that year and decided to try her career in this field. My husband and I decided to let her live her dreams. She was successfully clearing one round after another. It was around 3 p.m. and the number of girls was reducing every hour with each round. Now just three other parents were sitting with me in waiting room. We were there since 7:30 a.m.
To stretch my legs and in need of some coffee, I decided to go out of the building. I was entering a nearby CCD when received call from my sister. The news made me dizy and sick. I asked her to take dad to hospital and told her I’m stuck here and couldn’t leave till my daughter’s interview get over. We were told it could be 6 or 7 in evening till we get to know the result of final round.
I ordered my coffee and was trying to think rationally what should I do when received call from my brother. He too was very sick at that time. He himself needed to be hospitalised. He called me to give the same news. I assured him that I will come next day early morning. Feeling so helpless not able to help them, I finished my coffee absently. Paid the bill and went back to Indigo office on 2nd floor of the building.
Other parents too were looking exhausted. We were chatting about the job and kids when my daughter smiling and beaming with happiness entered the room and gave me news that she got hired. All my tiredness and worries flew away for few minutes. I felt so happy and proud. Everyone sitting there congratulated us. It was not a small thing to get selected among 70 to 80 girls in first attempt without any prior experience that too at young age of 18. She was the youngest candidate there at that day. With smiles mixed with tears we left for home.
On our way back I told whole situation to my daughter. She too asked me to go there early next morning. Assuring me she will manage everything from that day on for her new job. I was worried for all my parents, brother and daughter.
Closing my eyes I prayed to Almighty to give me strength and wisdom to act sensibly in this difficult time. Next day I left my home early morning and requested my husband to accompany me as my brother’s condition was serious and he too needed to be hospitalised.
My daughter assured me she is getting cab facility and meals in office so I need not worry for her. On reaching my parent’s home I managed not to cry on looking at worst condition of my brother. We called one of my uncle and Honey’s (my brother’s) friend to take him to hospital. My mom was all alone at home as my sister was with my dad in another hospital.
That day was most difficult day for all of us. On way to hospital we stopped to see my dad. My brother too wanted to meet him before leaving for hospital. My dad was and is powerhouse of strength and positivity in our family. Though he himself was in pain as operation was scheduled that day in evening. He was giving us all advise not to lose hope and stay positive. He asked us not to worry for him.
With quick exchange of tearful glances we took Honey to hospital. Where he was kept in emergency for initial few hours. Hospital was full of dengue patients and no bed was available. Almost in each and every hospital in Delhi that year the condition was same.
My maternal Aunt happened to knew the senior doctor there and after her attempts a doctor visited and checked my brother. He called me in his chamber and gave the worst news that my brother is not going to live more than a few months. According to him it was last stage of liver syroisis. He asked us to immediately shift him to ICU.
I went white and cold as dead. Till then it never crossed any of us that my brother is actually adamant to end his life drinking day and night after his wife left him for someone else and took their daughter with her too. What was killing my brother was she didn’t allow him to meet his daughter and filed a divorce with false allegations against our family.
He was heartbroken and lost the zest for life. Me and my sister were so busy and preoccupied in our lives that we failed to save him from falling in depression. Now I’m sitting here in my home wishing I should have paid more attention and should have made more attempts…if…
To be continue…