Open Letters To My Dear Brother # 9

Dear Honey!

Won’t ask you this time how are you? I know you must have reached far away by now.
Something has shifted inside me after your departure. Sometimes I feel it’s pitch dark everywhere and I’m drowning in this sea of darkness. Nothing is going right in my life.

Then some angel appears tries to save me. Extend his hand. I want to hold it but then I stop myself. His light is too bright, too white. Pious and full of shine. I fear my darkness can leave a spot on it. I don’t wanna ruin this Angel’s shine, making it gloomy and dull. But at the same time I feel I will die if I send him away, my last hope. And so I feel selfish, falls in guilt.

I wish you to be with me at such times to guide me. And I miss you more. Pray for me wherever you are. I need to come out of this dark. I’m tired now. Fighting inner and outer fights.

Now we four are more sad then ever. As this grief is slowly closing down on us. We try not to talk about you. Avoiding each other as you were never here. We are trying to give anesthesia to your memories. While each one of us is keeping you alive secretly.

Though I deactivated my Fb account as I’m still not ready to face all of the fake world and words there. But someone or other show me your old pics sharing with me on other platforms. Yesterday Harsh showed me your old pic one of your friend shared on fb. It pierced my heart. You were looking alive full of life standing smiling there with friends. I was wondering when and where life took a wrong turn?

A memory of your childhood flashed. When I took you with me to Sunita’s ( my best friend) house. Her mother was mesmerized with your innocence and beauty. She served us snacks and ask you to eat and you very innocently refused telling her, ” Meenakshi told me not to eat anything until they ask you twice “. Everyone was laughing and I was filled with embarrassment. How cute was my little brother. Sunita and me talk about you a lot remembering all old things. With her I talk with ease about you.

All of your friends and our cousins keep assuring me that they are there for me whenever I miss you. That is really sweet of them but how could I explain no one can replace you. But thank you so much my bro you left so many brothers for me even after leaving us.

Still I miss you and us

Forever your sister
Meenakshi